How to Work with Client Resistance
How Do I Work with Resistant Clients?
Clients do not always show up to client sessions thrilled about the process of change and ready to take action. In fact, the greatest value you can provide to clients is supporting them through the “messy middle” of change as they face their resistance amid the challenge of uncertainty, making decisions, and the development of a new identity. These clients are feeling resistant, and sometimes this present challenges for coaches, so we’re going to break down how to work with resistant clients, successfully.
“Uncoachable” Clients
When you find that clients are resistant in a session, some coach training programs define these clients as “uncoachable.” Their perspective is that if a client experiences resistance, they aren’t truly embracing change and therefore they aren’t ready to change.
In the CLCC coach training program, we believe that it’s important to help clients build a bridge to change. That starts with empathy and normalizing that yes, change is difficult. The coach can model this empathy by pointing out how normal it is to feel afraid, stressed, or overwhelmed.
Our model integrates courage into the coaching framework, instead of pushing your clients to try to “be fearless” or bypass their nervous system.
Normalize Client Resistance
What does it look like to normalize these challenges? The coach can first make statements of empathy acknowledging that it’s hard–and without rushing to what’s next. “Yes, I get it–this is tough” or “It sounds like this is really overwhelming” are all you need to say. Take care not to hurry up and add, “But you’ll get through it!” or “Let’s talk about action steps!” right away. Let the client use coaching as the container, the safe space, to be in her feelings about the situation without a rush to what’s next.
You can use a wide range of tools in a coaching session to help clients with resistance. Some of them are more narrative including cognitive reframing of fears. Others are more somatic, slowing down and getting present to sensations in the body.
Different coaches like to approach this process differently. Our CLCC program teaches a wide range of coaching tools–not a “model” or specific protocol–so that you as a coach can develop your own unique coaching style.
We invite you to consider what tools you might have used the last time you felt stuck in resistance to change. What was most helpful to you? It probably would not be someone trying to force you to be farther along in the process of change than you actually were. That’s why we’re encouraging a supportive, measured approach to coaching changes that don’t try to get clients to bypass their very real and normal fears and anxieties.
Normalize the fear, then work with the fear–that’s what builds a bridge so that your clients can go from self-doubt, to excited about the adventure of change that awaits.