Coaching Skills That Actually Help People Change
How to Focus on Skills that Help People Change
Let’s say a client comes to you for a first session and they are really, really ready for change. Where do you focus?
First, ensure that you’ve helped the client to define the outcome they’re working towards. In CLCC we have an exercise we demo for our trainees called “Going to the Park.” Imagine this: you ask a friend of yours, “Hey, could you give me a ride to the park?” and your friend said, “Sure, hop in!” Then you drive somewhere. Your friend pulls over and says, “Here’s the park.” You look around and realize–this isn’t the “park” you had intended.
That’s how things can go in a coaching session if clear outcomes are not defined. People will say, “I want to change how I show up in my marriage”--it would be good to know if the client really wants to focus on how THEY show up, or if what they really want, is for their partner to change. People will say they need help with managing stress levels. To them, does the outcome “My stress levels are managed” mean that they work with you to prioritize and have taken things off of their plate? Or does it mean that they keep everything, and better manage what’s already there?
It’s a powerful coaching skill to help someone identify a specific focus and outcome and define what it looks like.
To Change, Identify Self-Sabotage In Advance
Next, it’s important to ask your clients about the ways in which they are most likely to self-sabotage. Where do they tend to struggle with commitment? Where do they hide out when things get tough–what are their go-tos? When you the coach know what that looks like, it’s easier to help call it out when you see it.
Commit to Change to Actually See Change
Last, a crucial coaching skill to bring to sessions with clients who actually want to change is to ask the client about the commitments–in CLCC, we call them practices–they’re willing to undertake between sessions. The work isn’t just about what the client clarifies or uncovers in a coaching session. The real value of change will translate beyond the coaching session. You’ll collaborate with your clients to make agreements about specific, actionable steps the client will take that helps them to not just talk about change, but actually make change happen.